Posted tagged ‘friday funny’

Chatting up the Chief Exec

October 7, 2011

Which one of these gives me a trapdoor?

Picture the scene; it’s 8am and you’ve been a good girl, got out of bed super early and headed to the office to get a head start on the day. Whilst clutching your corrugated paper cup of over-priced but crucial coffee you wonder aimlessly through the front door of the civic centre only to bump into the Chief Executive waiting for the lift.

I know him a little so say hi and get the following response:

So Mrs WLLG, did you enjoy the recent staff away day?

(he uses my real name as this blog is anonymous and I doubt he even knows it exists; not really a blog type if you get my drift)

In a normal circumstance, I would have come up with a diplomatic but truthful answer starting with the positives and then if feeling really brave suggesting an area that could be improved; (or at least that’s what I tell myself).

But it’s 8am and that corrugated coffee is still sitting there scolding hot and undrunk in my hands so I say:

‘Well, I don’t think those are the sort of things you’re meant to enjoy’

‘Oh’, he says; ‘how do you mean?’

My coffee cup is screaming at me; ‘back track, BACK track’ but the coffee is still safely ensconced so I blunder on:

‘Well, the whole meeting was about cuts and savings so it’s never going to be cheery is it (doing well); plus, it’s hard to be strategic when all we have is a 15 minute round table discussion about strategic issues and then the rest is presentations (oops!)’

‘But the finance presentation was really good’ (I say desperately trying to win back a situation)

The Chief Exec isn’t the sort of guy who gets flustered and he says ‘thanks for the feedback’ and wishes me a good day.

I take a swig of coffee…

Now don’t get me wrong; I didn’t say anything out of turn as such; it’s just that the way I said it and the fact that I did it whilst standing in a lift at 8am in the morning when the Chief was probably just trying to be friendly meant that it was probably a little unwise.

That evening, when I had recovered, I dropped an e-mail to my WLLG colleagues and asked for any examples that they had of things they shouldn’t have said to their Chief Exec. I think it’s possible some of the following are made up:

(more…)

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How to survive the local gov plane crash

September 2, 2011

Place your head between your legs and kiss whatever you find goodbyeLast week I saw a link to what looked to be a very interesting article on a community of practice I’m part of. It was titled ‘How to survive a plane crash’, and showed up as having several replies already.

Wow, I thought, this could be interesting. Obviously they must be using a plane crash as a metaphor for local government, and its crash as the financial challenges councils are facing up and down the country. This must be a guide to how to survive your career in a situation where the plane looks like it’s going down in flames and might crash and burn any day now.

So I clicked on the link and signed in to the CoP, navigating directly to this potential treasure trove of advice and guidance and expecting a certain degree of enlightenment.

Only to find a picture of a plane, and advice on where to sit in case it crashes.

I may have been expecting too much, but the advice wasn’t even particularly good, apparently just sit at the back. However, it’s inspired me to produce our very own WLLG guide to how to survive the local government plane crash.

Step 1: Identify your exits (more…)

Bingo!

July 29, 2011

A Friday game for all to enjoyThere’s nothing we like more at We Love Local Government Towers than a good game on a Friday afternoon. Okay, perhaps we like biscuits a little more, but games are a very close second. With that in mind, here is a very simple game which can be played today at no additional cost to you or those around you. It’s easy to play, and can be amended to suit your own needs very easily.

Below is a list of words or phrases which we are getting a little tired of hearing thrown around meetings, usually by someone attempting to sound more clever than they actually are. Some or jargonistic, others are simply meaningless, but all have a special circle of our own hells reserved for them.

But words themselves are not evil – it’s how they are used that’s the problem, so we want you to use them for good rather than evil. Simply print them out and take them with you into your next meeting – the more people in it the better – and use as many as you can. They must be used appropriately and without others noticing; oh, and the only way to win is to get them all in during a single meeting.

Good luck! (more…)

Dear John…

January 28, 2011

Dear Local Government...

Life isn’t easy.  Sometimes we could all do with a bit of advice to get us through the day, whether it’s deciding what colour tie to wear or what jobs to apply for.  Other times we just need to tell someone what we are thinking to get it off our chest.

So, with little further ado, here are some short ‘dear john’ style messages for you to enjoy.  Happy Friday!

  • Dear Grant Shapps,
  • On your measure I earn more than the Prime Minister
  • Sincerely, David Cameron
  • Dear Lambeth,
  • You paid for frivolous posters so I’m not paying my tax bill,
  • Sincerely, budget consultee
  • Dear resident,
  • At least make the effort to learn my name
  • Sincerely, councillor
  • Dear councillor,
  • The three years out of four when there aren’t elections still count on the calendar
  • Sincerely, resident
  • Dear legal services,
  • I didn’t want ten pages of waffle; Am I breaking the law: YES or NO?!?
  • Sincerely, front line worker
  • Dear Grant Shapps,
  • When you said councils were free to do anything we wanted, that was a lie wasn’t it
  • Sincerely, Ringo Starr’s old house

(more…)