Localgov Secret Santa Gifts

What will Santa bring for good local government types?

With the festive season very much upon us, staff up and down the country are busy trying to work out how to get a gift for a fiver for their secret santa choice despite only having met them once at a team away day four months earlier. If you’re having problems you should either visit the mindblowingly brilliant Five Squids website for some inspiration, or alternatively read our list and match your chosen person with the perfect gift.

If you’ve got any other suggestions you can join in the fun by leaving a comment below or by tweeting us (@welovelocalgov) using #localgovgifts

Chief Exec
In this time of constant attack from angry residents, media local and national, councillors from just about all parties and even from those who are supposed to be there for local government it’s important to know that your friendly Chief Exec needn’t take all of the flak themself. Why not provide them with a fully disposable sacrificial lamb?

Simply select an officer of little actual power and arrange for all blame to fall firmly at their door. Should they happen to earn more than the chief exec they will also be able to deflect those pesky paid-more-than-the-PM arguments.

Scrutiny manager
Scrutiny needn’t be a chore – it can be fun too! Give your scrutiny manager the chance to pit their wits against colleagues with a personalised version of the classic Cluedo board game.

They will be able to investigate the mystery of who killed all hope and trust in the public sector: Was it Mr Pickles in the Office with a hatchet?

Armchair auditors
It’s been a tough start for life as an armchair auditor, with so little information either available or readily accessible online from the public sector. Why not treat them to a new upgrade option for their Office software, which automatically underlines and and all discrepencies as well as highlighting areas for further investigation.

Please note that the ‘Context’ upgrade which makes this information usable is currently under development.

Local residents
After years of giving them everything, local government is having to accept that in a Christmas of austerity gifts will have to be scaled back. Thankfully residents have already been given the gift of the Big Society, so can arrange for their own presents to be provided.

Please note that Big Society does not come with any instructions.

Backbench councillors
Life can be dull for back benchers, who often attend meeting after meeting simply to agree to whatever recommendation is made by their more senior or influential colleagues. Take the effort out of this process with a personalised rubber stamp which can be used at the appropriate time, thus removing the need to really think at all.

Head of finance
Shrinking budgets might mean smaller numbers in the assets and income columns whilst expenditure isn’t changing much, but that needn’t stop the canny Head-of-Finance-about-town from appearing to still live the life of several years ago. Simply craft a wedge of bank note sized pieces of paper sandwiched between two five pound notes and tightly bind with elastic bands; with several stacks of these in the Council safe no-one will know any different.

Please note that in most circumstances these will not be accepted as legal tender.

You know it’s Christmas when you hear the bright sounds of seasonal songs from yesteryear assaulting you from every shop and radio station. That being said, some of these songs are, to put it politely, from a different era and will need to be brought into the 21st century.

For the conscientious equalities officer, why don’t you get them this new and politically correct version of the Bing Crosby classic “White Christmas”, featuring the classic line “I’m dreaming of a multicultural, ethnically diverse and embracing societal shared festival”

Those pending retirement
It’s more important than ever to prepare for the future, so if your secret Santa recipient is on their way to retirement lend them a helping hand to their plans with an extra lump of coal this year to make up for their probable lack of a suitable pension. If local supplies are scarce simply send off for an extra lump from Mr Pickles, although these are limited to one lump per customer.

Please note, supplies of Gold Plated lumps of coal were exhausted in 2010.

Some gifts are timeless and transcend advances in technology; they are classics for a reason. Comms officers are exceptional connoisers in this regard, and appreciate more than anything the ability to communicate with residents through regular printed paper publications.

Therefore surprise and delight them with a four-sheet pack of plain white A4 paper and watch them happily make this amount last for an entire year through their quarterly publications allowance

Welovelocalgovernment is a blog written by UK local government officers. If you have a piece you’d like to submit or any comments you’d like to make please drop us a line at: welovelocalgovernment@gmail.com

Explore posts in the same categories: We love the Council

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2 Comments on “Localgov Secret Santa Gifts”

  1. ryoko861 Says:

    “White Christmas”, featuring the classic line “I’m dreaming of a multicultural, ethnically diverse and embracing societal shared festival” ROFLMAO!!

    I like the rubber stamp idea. More councils should take note of that!

  2. bobo Says:

    i hate santa

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