On the first day of Christmas our bloggers gave to me

Some Local Government jokes

Q. Why won’t sharks attack Public Sector consultants?
A. Professional courtesy

There were two public realm service facilitators working for the city council; one would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill it in. They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I appreciate the effort you’re putting into your work, but what’s the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again.
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, normally we’re a three-man team, but the bloke who plants the trees is sick today.”

Q. How many Eric Pickles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they are too busy screwing over the public sector.

A proposed council tax-evaluation policy will mean reassessment of current house values which will mean they will charge us more if we live in a nice area. That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

There is a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs. Her car isn’t taxed or
insured and doesn’t even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing. Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments. A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son’s girl-friend, but nothing has been proved.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay. Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. They are out of control.

I hate living near Windsor Castle…

Q. What’s the difference between a rooster and consultants?
A. The rooster clucks defiant…

With mortgage rates being as they are, I recently decided to renovate my house rather than move, as it’ll be cheaper. However this makes a lot of mess, so I decided to hire a skip from the Council. I called them up and asked for one, but I don’t think they understood. They told me I can cartwheel around the estate for all they care, and that I don’t need their permission.

Two weeks later a self-risk assessment form for skipping and forward momentum activities dropped through my door though.

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2 Comments on “On the first day of Christmas our bloggers gave to me”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by WeLoveLocalGov, PublicSectorBloggers. PublicSectorBloggers said: On the first day of Christmas our bloggers gave to me: Some Local Government jokes . Why won’t sharks attack Pub… http://bit.ly/eqOxpa […]

  2. localgov Says:

    The only difference between Local Government and the Titanic is that they, at least, had a band.

    The Management regrets that due to the current economic climate, it has been necessary to make certain economies. Therefore the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off until further notice.

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