Council Christmas Carols
It’s official: Christmas is here. The X-factor final has been and gone, the Coca Cola advert has appeared on the tele and we have all been and gone from our local government Christmas parties. This year we thought we’d bend our minds and those of some of our friends to the task of creating some very special Christmas Carols which have been tweaked for local government just a little.
And if we forget to say it: Happy Christmas to all in the public sector!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
Oh jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Subject to Health & Safety checks, a Trading Standards license, and undertaking an EqIA
“We Wish You A Merry Winterval”
(Lyrics have been banned in case they offend anyone, including those who are offended by calling Christmas ‘Winterval’)
“God Rest Ye Merry Council Workers”
God rest ye merry council workers,
Let nothing you dismay.
For ‘Transformation Programme’ our saviour
Will be implemented every day.
To save us all from the Comprehensive Spending Review
By cutting without delay.
O Tidings of efficiencies and restructures,
Efficiencies and restructures,
O Tidings of efficiencies and restructures.
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
But then Rudolph reported them to the Hate Crimes team
And they got ordered to do 100 hours of Community Service
“We Three Kings”
We three kings of Government are
Taking cash from near and from far
Service and quango, where did our cash go
Into Westminster’s bar?
O cuts a’plenty, cuts so deep
Cuts that make us all lose sleep
Big society, really frightens me
My pension and job, I want to keep
“Deck the Halls”
Cut the public sector lolly,
We can see it’s all a folly,
“Good King Wenceslas”
Eric Pickles last looked out,
On the quango bonfires.
As he threw his chins about,
Calling people liars.
Loudly did the workers cry,
As he cut our non-jobs.
Most wished he would go and hide,
as he is such a, big, kn**.